This was supposed to a track where start off with some questions to my self and vent a bit out, I hit recording and quickly realise, my breathwork is like a senior citizen on treadmill and voice of a witch. So came back to good old writing things down.
I recently caught myself in the chamber of psychology where I am taking to not one but two therapist and at the same time going through couple of books on the same topic. As per the therapist, my inner child is really upset with me and want things and senarios as per his will and other end book states the trauma does not exist. WHAT!!??
Undergoing CBTs and Psychodynamic, and it is chilling, going through event and experiencing them again and again is as disturbing as hell. And on other end Adlerian psychology states, “One uses this techniques in order to get what ones what”. Then my question to my inner child will be, “What are you gonna achieve by destroying the trophies? And most importantly, WHY THE FUCK DID WE RESIGN FROM THE ONLY JOB WE HAD?(PS: Actively seeking opportunities, 55 days left) We ain’t Shaik! Fucking smallie. And I really don’t know where Mau Mau is, we just fostered her.”
Reflecting through my writings and I can glance only one word “IDK”, then soon after a voice murmurs in my ears “THEN WHAT THE FUCK YOU KNOW?!?!?!”. To which I again answer IDK, and the cycle continues. That’s why I call this as the Echo Chamber and tagged the same as well. The line between Sanity and insanity for me is do damn blurred that it feels like I am living on the edge of cliff. Even though I am on the cliff I can not jump into insanity, Why is so? Who fucking know?
I guess it’s high time now, I just should kill myself, and be another static for the idiom, May people are buried at 50, but they are dead at … age. LOL
Untill when? Adi.